Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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