and you said cock pushups were impossible
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
