Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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