My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
