i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
