I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
