What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
