the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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