dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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