Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
