she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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