I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How does it feel to date your dad?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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