It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
