I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
