My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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