I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
