Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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