so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
