I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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