i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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