I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
