i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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