dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
