At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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