Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
