Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I believe in your delicious
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
