dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
