evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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