i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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