In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
