So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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