hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
