they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
