yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
