He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
