i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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