yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
