Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
