Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
