What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
