if you like me you must not know who I am
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They took my balls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
