i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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