If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
