alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
