my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I AM VODKA MAN
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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