im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
