Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
