I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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