Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
