i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
pray to the hookup gods
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
