I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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