So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
