I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
