really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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