Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
